my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I die, sorry about rent.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
