Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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