she looked like the before picture.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
