i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
