im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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