Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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