yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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