I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
