soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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