You smell like stripper and shame
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
