I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
