Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
