I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
