if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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