You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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