There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
