I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
