I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
