looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
