I could make wine with my vomit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
