I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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