to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
