I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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