even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
