Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
