On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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