And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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