I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
