Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
