Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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