I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
