we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
