What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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