he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
