Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
