he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
