That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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