So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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