I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
