I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
