What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
