New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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