I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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