if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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