Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
