Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
