i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
