she woke up with a sticky ear
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
