8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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