Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
