it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
