Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
