I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
