did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
