we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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